


This Room Is Cold Now

by ReignPain



Category: Newsies - All Media Types, Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Panic Attacks, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-09
Updated: 2019-02-09
Packaged: 2019-10-25 07:19:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17720639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReignPain/pseuds/ReignPain
Summary: It was four am and Race was counting down forever





	This Room Is Cold Now

It was already four am. Everyone was asleep, it felt stupid to wake anyone for something as pathetic as him. 

It was four am again and Race was awake. Awake and alone with nothing but the whistling wind to comfort him.

It was four am and Race was counting down forever.

He had at least three blankets on him right now - this dang freeze in New York left him shivering. And that was why he was awake. Right? 

No no no. Race bit the edge of his blanket to keep from waking anyone. Tears were running down his face now, why was he even crying? Just a few hours ago he was happy with his friends. His friends, sure they’d paired off at the movie theater and he was stuck with a kissy Jack and Katherine on one side and a huggy Spot and Elmer on the other, but what did that matter? They were all just friends enjoying a movie. A really, really loud movie. What was it about again? He was looking at the screen the whole time, so why couldn’t he remember anything? 

Four thirty one. Race let out a muffled sob, which was a dumb move really. What was he gonna do if his little brother woke up and saw him crying in the top bunk? The kid would probably hate him for being weak and crying for literally no reason. Why was he crying again? 

He could always go find Jack, his other brother (well, adoptive brother to be exact but that didn’t really matter). The older boy would stay up with him no questions asked… no it was better Race remain alone. He refused to be known as the pathetic boy who couldn’t stand being alone in the dark anymore. Oh, here come the tears again. He sniffed, pausing when he felt Romeo stir below him. Race would be so embarrassed if his little brother found out how much of a lame little coward he was being right now.

Alright, real talk. Why the fuck was he crying so much? Was it the fact that if he didn’t wake up the next morning - or technically, in a few hours - or ever again (and what’re the chances of that happening?) nobody would care? They’d go on with their lives, Romeo would move into Jack’s room, Miss Medda, his lovely mother would laugh and say something like ‘that’s just what happens, sugar’  
Or maybe he was crying because he had no one to talk to anymore. His life was now worthless, he hadn’t made any impact on anything whatsoever and so everyone had abandoned him and he was alone for the first time since he got taken out of the horrid system and dropped here to help build a family.  
Or could it possibly be that he wouldn’t mind so much if his heart happened to stop beating at say… four fifty three? He wouldn’t necessarily mind if his brothers woke up and had breakfast without him, then went to the park like they usually did on Saturdays. He would be A-Okay if his friends replaced him with someone else, someone cooler, smarter, nicer. Hell, he’d be surprised if they hadn’t, after all, who wouldn’t replace the useless, dull, annoying piece of shit he was?

Because you know what? The fucking sun would still rise in… two hours if Anthony ‘Racetrack’ Higgins wasn’t there to see it. Four fifty two. Maybe he should open his eyes, wait for the minute he couldn’t anymore. Because for all he knew, he wouldn’t be alive in forty seven seconds. And Race was fine with that, he wasn’t needed on this planet, all he did was suffer, complain, and take up space. All that the same time. 

The top bunk shook as Romeo stirred again. Race wiped his tears as he threw the covers over his head. Good job, Higgins, you’re screwed, prepare to be shunned. 

“Racer? You okay?” A small voice asked. A pair of feet hit the floor, the bunk shook more. The blond stayed silent, it was getting even harder to breath, especially under the blankets. There was some more weight on top of him, the blankets were ripped off of his head. Race took a deep, shuddering breath, his words were choked, he didn’t even know he was saying before being cut off by a bone crushing hug. “Did you have a nightmare? I’m gonna go get Jackie.” The pressure on his chest was slightly relieved as the pair of feet pattered away. 

Race sunk into the mattress. Did… did he have nightmare? It felt like one that was for sure. Whatever, it was, was it over? His face was still wet, his chest still tight.  
The door creaked open, his brothers were back. The bunk was moving again. The covers were pried way, thrown on the floor, Race didn’t realize he was sweating. His eyes were open again and Jack’s were glossy. 

It was five o’clock.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
